When You Disappoint Yourself

Great God, I ask for no meaner pelf
Than that I may not disappoint myself
-Henry David Thoreau

This is one of my favorite quotes of all time.  As we evaluate our lives, our last year, this last week, we may find something where we have disappointed ourselves.  How to make our way through things like this.

1. Hold space for forgiveness.

    Let's begin by holding space to forgive ourselves.  Let's not worry about actually forgiving ourselves, but if we hold space for it hopefully we have stopped the negative self talk that won't help us with the rest of the process.  Calling yourself names is not productive.  It won't help you learn, grow, or anything else.  It is harmful.  Instead we will hold space for forgiveness

2. Figure out the trigger.

    Now that we are holding space for healing, let's figure out the trigger.  Did you rage at someone, why?  Because they are an asshole?  Do you always rage at assholes?  No, they just made you mad?  Why were vulnerable to rage at this time?  Because work is precarious and you are scared?  Do you feel unsafe?  Having your foundations unstable can be deeply upsetting.  Do you need to go further with the evaluation?

3.  Learn what you can.

    Turns out, going with our example, that instability shakes us.  What can we do to feel safe?  Are there safeguards we can put in place like a larger savings account?  What will do the next time we are triggered like this?  Do we need to hunker down by ourselves and look at our finances to see if we can plug any gaps, ie be proactive.  Do we need to call our therapist and work through the underlying issues?  

    How can we use this for our future growth?

4.  Forgive yourself.

    We did the thing.  We know why.  We have a plan.  Now forgive yourself.  You have disappointed yourself and that's ok.  We are a work in progress and this a massively wonderful opportunity to learn, to grow, and to love ourselves through transformation.  Fuck yeah!

5.  Move forward more knowledgeable in yourself.

    Disappointment isn't a great thing.  Disappointment in one self can break a person, but not us.  Not this time.  We are amazingly resilient, not only that, but we use every. single. opportunity. we can to learn, grow, and love our amazing badass self.  

p.s. Happy birthday to me!