StoryTeller - Fantasy Self to Reality Part 2

 

Why do we put things off till another day?  It's because we believe our Fantasy Self, or Future Self, is stronger than who we are right now.  So how do we get from where we are now to that Fantasy Self that can conquer all these things we delay on?

Let's use my sugar issue as an example.  

I want to eat the ice cream.  I want to eat the candy.  And I throw a ton of mental temper tantrums (my inner little bitch) and sometimes actual temper tantrums over it.  

I deserve a treat.  Everyone else is eating sugar.  What the fuck is wrong with me that I can't eat some.  

Weak, bitchy little moaning.  All. of. the. temper. tantrums.  

And it's ok.  I understand that this is my nature fighting against what I believe is best for me.  There is not one single thing about sugar that is good for me.  

So I educate myself so that my logical brain has a bit more traction.  

I recently did a really difficult event.  It was led by Roger Sparks.  His words of wisdom have been hitting me really hard.  He continuously challenged us to question our state of comfort.  

Are you comfortable?  We were not designed to be comfortable and if you are, something is wrong.  If you aren't growing, you are dying.  If you are comfortable, you are definitely not growing.  

And if you are comfortable, there is someone around who isn't.  Help them, at the very least, carry their load.  Do your part!

Eating sugar is comfortable for me.  It is the epitome of comfort for me.  Strawberry shortcake.  Chocolate dipped yoyo cookies.  Jeni's Gooey Butter Cake Ice Cream.... 😅💦

Not only that, but sugar gets me at an intrinsic level.  

For those that don't know, my biological mother was an alcoholic addict.  When she was clean and sober she was viscous.  When she was high, she was a lot of fun.  She hated that she was an addict and she would ask me to hide it from her and under no circumstances was I to give it to her.  The last time I remember her doing this I was in 3rd grade (she died when I was in 5th grade).  

Let's just say she beat the holy living shit out of me and I gave it to her.  God my heart hurts for her.  So trapped by her demons.  My demons are sugar, I straight up have it easy.  

Anyhow, when she was high again, she would go buy me lots of candy as a reward and as an apology.  Candy was my reward for everything.  

Later on, I remember being in middle school and receiving $1.25 for school lunch.  Our local store, Sprouse-Reitz, had an ongoing sale of 5 candy bar for $1.  Can you even imagine?  I would run down and buy my candy and have the 4th one eaten by the time I got back to school and would eat the 5th one in class.  Every day.  Well, sometimes I would hit the Exxon and get jojos, sour cream, and red cream soda.  

Ok, so we have the back story of my sugar saga.  I understand it and my emotional relationship with it.  I understand why I reward myself with it.  I understand why it brings comfort.  I also understand how everything from marketing to food manufacturing has engineered this so I would behave this exact way.  And all of this helps.  I can see my future self understanding all of this and choosing a different course.  So to get from here to there let's chart a new course.

1. Define some new rewards that aren't food based or if they are food based, they are healthy choices.
2. Define some new ways to comfort myself.  
3. Minimize exposure to advertisements and other triggers.
4. Set some rules around sugar.  
1. E.G. I don't drink soda.
2. No added sugars.
3. Maybe something like only sugar on Sundays or some other way to fence it in till I am ready to fully make the change.
5. Continue to educate myself
1. Ways to reward.
2. Ways to comfort.
3. How we are being manipulated by the food industry.
4. How advertising works.
5. How addictive sugar is and possibly treatments.

You seriously have this.  You don't fail until you give up completely.  Sugar will be a life long battle for me.  Every time I think I have a handle on it and I relax my guard I am consuming ALL the sugar.  And if you are throwing a pity party and say it isn't worth it, use my struggle for some inspiration:

1. I don't drink soda any more.  I use to drink a 12 pack a day of Mountain Dew.
2. I drink my coffee with heavy cream (NO SUGAR!!!)  I used to drink hazelnut coffee creamer like it was water.

That's a huge win for me.  I drink coffee and tea with heavy cream, I drink water, and I drink La Croix.  Lemoncello is my favorite as a side note.  

Baby steps my lovely peeps, baby steps.